Happiness in Reverse
by brokenbottleaurora
Summary: "There are no happy endings/Endings are the saddest part/So just give me a happy middle/And a very happy start" - Shel Silverstein; alternatively, the story of James and Lily Potter in three parts and reverse.
1. The Saddest Part

**Happiness in Reverse**

* * *

_For Yazzy, the biggest Jily fan I know. I hope it does your favorite characters justice and maybe even makes you smile. Thanks for being your wonderful self!_

_Warnings: Canon character deaths, minor mentions of sex_

* * *

"There are no happy endings

Endings are the saddest part

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start."

Shel Silverstein

* * *

THE SADDEST PART

A sharp pain shot through James as the wards around the cottage collapsed. He could feel the blood drain from his face—this could only mean one thing.

"_Lily_! Take Harry and run!" James screamed as he fumbled about, searching frantically for his wand.

_This isn't happening. This can't be happening, _he thought. _This was supposed to keep them safe!_

His fingers closed around his wand as the door was blasted free of its hinges and crashed to the floor. James quickly transfigured the coffee table into a giant stone slab and managed to scramble to his feet before it was blasted to pieces.

"Stand down, Potter," Lord Voldemort commanded. "I'm here for the boy. Just step aside, and I promise to make your death fairly quick. I'll even spare that pretty little Mudblood of yours—I hear she's quite powerful despite her heritage."

"You won't touch a hair on their heads," James growled.

Voldemort barely gave him time to raise his wand before shooting off another beam of angry red light. James dove behind the sturdy old couch and then tried to shield himself as it was splintered into toothpicks by the sheer power of the spell. Without another thought, he leapt to his feet and began fighting for his life.

The pair dueled for what felt like either hours or only seconds, James couldn't tell. He was forced to keep the stairs to his back—_gotta keep them safe, gotta keep them safe, _he chanted internally—which severely limited what he could do both offensively and defensively. But that didn't stop him from giving as good as he got. Eventually, tired and too slow, James caught a Bludgeoning Hex in the chest and fell to the ground like a broken doll. Wheezing painfully, he tried to raise his wand against the wizard now standing over him.

"Look at me, Potter," Voldemort sneered. "I want to watch the life leave your eyes when I kill you."

James set his jaw defiantly and clenched his eyes shut. Happy memories of his life with Lily and Harry swirled through his mind. He choked back a painful sob. Merlin, he was terrified for them both, and angry at himself for not keeping them safer.

Vaguely, he heard Voldemort say something, but it was like his ears were filled with cotton. James knew the end was coming, and quickly. He summoned Lily's smiling, beautiful face to the forefront of his mind. He wished desperately he could hold her, kiss her, make love to her again, to revel in the overwhelming happiness she gave him one more time. And then his mind went dark.

* * *

A HAPPY MIDDLE (part one)

"Why is it so difficult to clean your shoes off before you come back inside?" Lily screeched.

"It's just a little mud, Lily," James grumbled. "It's not like I—"

She cut him off. "It's like you've tracked in half the garden! I swear every time you go out there you—"

"—bring in more mud than I leave, I know," he griped. "You've told me a thousand times. Must be pushing a million by now. And it only takes two seconds to clean up, for Merlin's sake!"

"I wouldn't have to clean it up _or _keep harping on this if you'd just listen to me for once!" she cried.

The two stood locked in a silent, warring gaze for a long moment. They barely noticed Harry toddle in.

"Hawwy Mum!" he giggled, tugging at Lily's skirt.

James and Lily looked down to see that Harry's dark hair was now the same vibrant shade as his mother's, but he hadn't stopped there. Harry had put on one of Lily's skirts, looped one of her lacy bras over his head, and smeared her lipstick all over his face.

James broke first, wrapping an arm around his middle and clapping a hand over his mouth in an attempt to muffle his laughter.

Lily grinned at her son. "Very pretty, Harry. But I think it's bath time. Can you go to the bathroom and wait for Mummy?"

Harry nodded and sped away, his giggles trailing behind him.

James and Lily locked eyes again, and their smiles faded a bit.

"You know," Lily said, "he pulls off that shade of pink quite well. He's a very pretty boy."

James pulled her into a hug and nuzzled the top of her head. "Hmmm, not as pretty as you, though."

"Sorry for screaming at you," she whispered. "I just… I feel like I'm going crazy stuck in this house. I know you are too and that going out in the garden helps you. I'm sorry I fussed about a little mud."

"I'm sorry for not listening to you. It only takes a moment to clean my boots off before I come inside. I swear I'll do better," James promised.

Lily dropped a kiss on his cheek before pulling away. "Well, I'd better go wash that off Harry. It's Muggle lipstick, and it _will_ stain."

James smacked her lightly on the butt and smirked. "Better get to it then. I'd hate to see my favorite bra ruined."

"Don't get cheeky, Potter. It won't work with me." She tossed a grin over her shoulder as she sashayed away.

James cleared away the mud with a flick of his wrist, chuckling to himself. This isolated life, away from the entire rest of the world, was so incredibly _hard_. But as long as he had Lily and Harry, it would all be okay. To be with them, to keep them safe, would always be worth it.

* * *

"Prongs, I reckon you've got to be the happiest wizard in the world right now," Sirius said.

James stared down into his son's big green eyes—so innocent, so trusting, so much like his mother's—and felt his heart swell. He thought nothing could compare to the day he married Lily, but this… He'd never felt _so much_. He was so excited to finally meet his son, so proud of Lily's strength throughout pregnancy and labor, so terrified that he would be a horrible father, so filled with love for his wife and this tiny human in his arms. The mere idea of "happiness" was far too small to describe what he felt right now.

"I am the luckiest man alive," James breathed, running a hand over the baby's downy black hair. Over _Harry's_ black hair. Just like his father's. Just like James's.

"James, darling, why don't you introduce Harry to his godfather?" Lily suggested.

Sirius walked over and stretched out his quivering arms.

"Don't you dare drop my son, Black," James muttered. Instinctively, Remus conjured a large chair and ushered Sirius into it before James carefully placed Harry in his arms. James watched as Sirius stared in wonder at the newborn. Remus perched himself on the arm of the chair, waiting _almost_ patiently for his own turn. Peter was somewhere in the hospital, searching for snacks.

James walked back to where Lily lay in bed, exhausted but smiling. "You are so incredible, you know that?" he murmured, brushing a kiss over her parched lips. He grabbed the glass of water beside her bed, and she took it gratefully. Together, they watched their best friends coo and make faces at Harry.

"It's so surreal," she whispered. "I've known I was a mum from the moment I found out I was pregnant. But this is just so…"

"Unbelievable," James breathed.

Lily nodded. "I'm just so afraid now. What if I'm no good at this? I don't want to be a terrible mother."

"You'll be wonderful," he assured her quietly. "You've managed to keep the four of us alive and out of Azkaban for long enough to handle anything. Besides, you're the most caring, intelligent, wonderful person I know. Harry's lucky to have you for a mum."

"And I'm lucky to have you on this adventure with me," she murmured.

James dropped yet another kiss onto her sweat-soaked hair. "I think I'm the lucky one."

Bursting their little bubble of intimacy, Remus stood and handed Harry back to James. "We really should get going. Lily, sweetheart, please get plenty of rest. James can handle a few dirty nappies."

As he opened the door, Sirius turned back to James with a grin. "I just realized what this means!"

"That James and Lily have brought another life into this world and that there could never be a more perfect product of their love for each other?" Remus suggested warily.

"Well, yeah, but also that James finally has definitive proof that he shagged Evans!" Sirius crowed.

James was quite glad he was holding his son because his first instinct was to blacken Sirius's eye.

"Remus…" Lily growled.

"Way ahead of you, Lils," Remus sighed before slugging Sirius's arm.

"Hey!" he cried. "That hurt!"

"Wanna see what else hurts?" Remus taunted.

"Bye James! Bye Evans!" Sirius cried before dashing out the door.

Remus shot them a grin and followed hot on his heels. The two new parents could hear what sounded like the incantation for Stinging Hexes followed by small yelps echoing down the hall.

Smirking, James placed Harry back into Lily's arms. She brought him close to her chest and leaned down to nuzzle his hair. As she did, her hair fell down in a red curtain, blocking James's view. He tucked it back behind her ear and gazed down at the two people for whom he would be anything, give anything, do anything. These two beautiful, precious people who were his entire world.

James concluded that, before this moment, he'd only _thought_ he'd known true love and happiness. Anything before this paled in comparison.

* * *

Sirius elbowed him in the ribs. "Ready, Prongs?"

James swallowed thickly. "Born ready, Pads."

The charmed string quartet segued into the Wedding March, and James stood up as straight as possible and squared his shoulders. He trained his eyes on the back of the tent, trying desperately to breathe normally.

After the longest ten seconds of his life, an angel appeared at the other end of the aisle.

She strode confidently and gracefully down the aisle with Remus on her arm. It had been no surprise when she'd asked him to give her away. As much as Sirius was James's brother and kindred spirit, Remus was hers.

When they reached the groom, Remus kissed her cheek and placed her hand gently in James's. "Take care of her," he whispered.

"You know I will," James tried to reply, but the words were caught in his throat. Instead, he nodded and clapped the werewolf on the shoulder.

James found his eyes drawn back to the vision in front of him. Her straight red hair cascaded down her shoulders, shimmering in the candlelight, and her long white dress flowed gently down to swirl about her bare feet. She had flowers in her hair and smelled like James's favorite perfume and looked so proud and poised in front of the crowd.

But James honestly didn't care one bit about any of it. He was too absorbed in the curve her lips, smiling up at him, and her shining eyes, filled with nothing but love, excitement, and pure joy.

"I thought you weren't going to cry," Lily mouthed.

Only then then did James feel the tears running down his cheeks. Cheeks that already ached from smiling so much, and the ceremony hadn't even begun.

Reluctantly, he dropped one of his hands and wiped them away. "Sorry, love. I'm just so damn happy," he breathed.

When people asked him later about the ceremony and reception, James could honestly say he remembered very little. Not the vows, not the dancing, not even the cake. The one thing that filled his mind about the whole day was that she was finally his, forever, until death did they part. He had reached the pinnacle of happiness. No feeling could ever top this one.

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AN2: Two more chapters to come! There's "A Happy Middle (part two)", which is finished, and "A Very Happy Start", which is currently in beta. Thanks for waiting with me!


	2. A Happy Middle

A HAPPY MIDDLE (part 2)

* * *

James swore that tiny little ring was actually about to pull down his pants with its imaginary weight. Just the thought made him itch to tighten his belt a notch.

With great effort, he resisted and simply opened the door to Lily's favorite Muggle pub to escort her in.

"Oh, I just love this place!" she gushed as they took their seats. "I feel like we haven't been here in forever. And remember, this is the place that has the best chips! They're the perfect balance of soft and crunchy, and they have that extra seasoning on them—"

James listened to Lily rant over the various dishes she loved at the pub, just like she did every time. Merlin, she was perfect.

Well, maybe not perfect. She had a bit of a temper, and she refused to let him grow his hair out for a ponytail like Sirius's. And her cooking was atrocious, though it was now mostly edible, which was a definite improvement. But she was so perfect for him. She was sweet and caring enough to make him feel better on his worst days, but she was strong enough to hold her ground and make him admit when he was wrong. She was warm and kind and strong-willed and fierce and emotional and protective and a million other little things that he wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering. Hence the ring currently burning a hole in his pocket.

James barely tasted his fish and chips, and he barely resisted ordering another pint for the sake of "liquid courage." He wanted to remember every second of this night.

Despite his excitement, James let his nerves get the best of him. By the time the left the restaurant and began walking back to the Apparation point, the ring was still in his pocket instead of on Lily's finger.

Trying to buy himself some more time, James blurted out, "Why don't we take a walk? It's a nice night!"

Lily stared at him incredulously. "James, it's nearly freezing out here."

"Well... we can just use warming charms," he replied, checking the area before whipping out his wand and jabbing it at her. "There, all better!"

"Whatever you say," Lily muttered.

The two wandered through the city, chatting and laughing as James nervously searched for the perfect place to propose. He knew it was getting late, and it wouldn't be long before Lily demanded they go home. Barely visible in the distance, a large clock tower showed that midnight was fast approaching. Finally, they found themselves on a large lawn in front of a beautiful old church. James figured this was as good a place as any and threw up a silent prayer to Merlin or God or whoever might be listening that Lily would actually say yes. Then he tugged her to a stop.

"Have you ever been in Westminster Abbey?" Lily asked, glancing at the church'e facade. "It's just as gorgeous inside!"

"No, we'll have to go someday. Listen, Lily," James said as he grabbed her hands.

"A ton of influential philosophers and scientists and royalty are buried there," she added. "It would be a great place to learn about Muggle history."

James took a deep breath. "I'm sure. Now—"

"Let's go take a closer look, just to give you an idea," she continued, trying to pull him toward the church.

James tugged her back to him. "_Lily_! Would you please listen to me?"

She stopped and stared at him for a moment. He averted his gaze, watching his own thumbs gently rub the backs of her hands and wracking his brain for the speech he'd been working on for days. It completely escaped him. Deciding that he'd just have to wing it, he finally met her eyes.

"Lily Evans, I have never known another woman like you. You're as beautiful as you are smart, as stubborn as you are kind, and more passionate than anyone I've ever met. You've taught me how to listen, really listen, and how to see the good in others, whether they see it themselves or not. You've made me a better man, and I can't thank you enough for that."

Despite the smile spreading across her face, Lily's eyes filled with tears. Taking that as a good sign, James continued.

"Those are the things I've already learned, but there is so much more I want to know about you. I want to know what it sounds like when you sing our children to sleep. I want to know what your hair feels like between my fingers when it starts to go gray. I want to know if your mouth will taste the same when it's got lines around it from all the times I want to make you laugh. More than anything, I want to know what you're going to look like every morning when I wake up next to you and how you're going to look every night with your makeup off, sleeping so innocently on the pillow you steal from me."

By this time, Lily was openly crying, and James could feel the moisture pooling in his own eyes. He needed to wrap it up before he looked like a complete sap. Carefully, he got down on one knee.

"I want you forever, Evans. You, me, our crazy friends, a whole brood of kids and grandkids and great-grandkids. The good, the bad, the ugly. For richer and poorer, in sickness and health, the whole kit and caboodle. What do you say, Evans? Will you make me the happiest man to ever live and marry me?"

James pulled the emerald-cut diamond solitaire ring from his pocket and looked hopefully back up at Lily.

She heaved a giant sob and cried, "Yes! A thousand times yes! " She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly.

"Uh, Lily, air please," James croaked.

She let go quickly. "I'm so sorry! But yes, of course I'll marry you!"

James slipped the ring on her finger and admired the way it sparkled under the moon and the city lights. In that moment, he decided he didn't even need to be married to Lily to be the happiest man alive. Just knowing that, someday soon, she would be his wife was enough to make his heart soar higher than ever before.

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AN: Just one more folks! (unfortunately I still need to get it beta'ed. but so goes life.) Thanks for sticking around!


	3. A Very Happy Start

A VERY HAPPY START

James adjusted his collar for the 47th time—he knew it had been forty-seven times because Sirius had counted them aloud.

"I just want everything to go perfectly," James grumbled into the mirror of his dormitory.

"Well, obviously," Sirius laughed. "You wasted more time on your hair this morning than I think you've collectively spent in your entire life."

Remus threw a pillow at Sirius, knocking him off the bed. "Would you let the poor man get ready in peace? It's only the most important date of his life."

"Thanks a lot, Moony," James muttered, resisting the urge to make it forty-eight times. "I'd better get down to the common room and meet her."

Remus looked down at his watch. "Prongs, you've still got half an hour before you need to leave."

"You're joking," James laughed, carefully pulling his new watch from his coat pocket. He blanched. "Of course you're not."

"You could just wait up here and play Exploding Snap with us until it's time to go," Peter suggested.

James shook his head. "I'd better review all my conversation-starter flashcards. I think I might have forgotten one." He walked over to his desk and pulled out a stack of cards two inches thick, and all three friends groaned. James perched on the very edge of his desk, carefully reading through and mouthing the words on each card before moving to the next one.

After ten minutes of watching James hold that position, Remus asked, "Aren't you going to sit down? That looks rather uncomfortable."

James dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. "Can't. Don't want to wrinkle."

Sirius guffawed. "Sweet Merlin, man, this is a date, not a job interview! You've got to lighten up!"

"It may be 'just a date' to you," James said fiercely, "but I see this as my first—and likely only—chance with Lily Evans. You know, the girl I've had a crush on since third year? I need everything, and I mean _everything_, to be absolutely perfect."

"We know, Prongs. We're just trying to help," Remus placated.

James put the cards down on his desk. "I know. So why don't we go over the plan one more time?"

Sirius rolled his eyes but sat up straight on his bed. "Okay. We are not to get into your carriage, follow you into The Three Broomsticks, tag along into any shops, or otherwise alert Evans to the fact that we are alive."

"We are also not to interfere with your appearance, fragrance, physical senses, or mental function using charms, hexes, jinxes, potions, charmed items, or any other means, whether Muggle or magical," Remus continued. "We are also to extend Lily the same courtesy."

"And we are not allowed in any way to make Lily feel embarrassed, guilty, or even slightly uncomfortable about your date at any time before, during, or after it," Peter finished.

Counting on his fingers, James ticked all the various parts of the agreement. "Sounds like everything. I swear, if you lot mess this up for me, I'll never forgive you."

"Would we _really _do that, Prongs?" Sirius asked sincerely. "Man, we _want _this to go well for you. As much as we joke around with you or laugh at you, we know you really want this. We'll do everything in our power to see that it goes off without a hitch."

Remus nodded. "Marlene and I've got all the prefects on high alert and ready to nip any trouble in the bud so the Head Boy and Girl don't have to worry about it on their date."

"James, you've got fifteen minutes," Peter said helpfully.

Taking a deep breath, James squared his shoulders. "Well, lads, I'm off to meet my destiny."

He walked down the stairs to the common room and scanned it for any red hair. Thankfully, he hadn't kept her waiting. He stood quietly at the foot of the stairs leading to the girls' dormitories, mentally reviewing his flashcards.

Caught up in his own mind, James nearly missed her. To get his attention, Lily reached out and gently touched his arm.

"Lily!" he said. "You look gorgeous!"

She blushed prettily and looked down at her blue jumper, brown corduroys, and sensible boots before meeting his eyes. "Thanks, James. You look very nice as well."

"Thanks," he echoed, fighting the urge to run a hand through his almost-tamed hair. "Shall we?"

Lily took his offered arm, and they set off for Hogsmeade.

The carriage ride down was awkward, and James's ice breakers weren't helping move the stilted conversation along at all. They arrived and went straight to The Three Broomsticks. James ordered them each a butterbeer, hoping that it would help him loosen up.

James wasn't sure if it was the butterbeer, the relaxed public atmosphere, or just sheer dumb luck that finally got them talking, but once they started, they never stopped. First they chatted about school and classes, which quickly became a long talk about possible careers and future goals. As they exited the pub, the discussion turned to politics. For once, James found himself questioning some of his own views, and he found it oddly refreshing.

The pair stayed in Hogsmeade long enough to grab a quick dinner, and to James's surprise, they left holding hands. They wandered through more shops, laughing and joking and talking about everything. James couldn't remember having a better day with anyone.

As they exited Scrivenshaft's, Lily looked up at the darkening sky and cried, "Oh no! We'll never make it back to Hogwarts gate in time to beat the curfew! McGonagall could have our badges for this."

James's feet faltered for a moment. Could he trust her enough to show her a secret way back inside the grounds? Realizing he didn't have much of a choice, he heaved a sigh.

"Lily, I can get us back on the grounds without getting caught at the gate, but I need you to promise me that you will never, and I mean _never_, tell a soul how we did it."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "You mean anyone other than Black, Pettigrew, and Remus, right?"

It was James's turn to blush. "Well, yeah. Hurry up now, we've got to get going."

He quickly tugged her up the hill, through a hole in the fence, and into the Shrieking Shack. With a quick wave of his wand, the tunnel passage opened, and they raced back toward Hogwarts. When they reached the end, James halted and listened for a long moment before opening the hatch and levitating a twig into the right knot on the Whomping Willow's root. He scrambled out and pulled Lily after him. They ran back toward the castle, trying to dust the dirt from their clothes as they went.

They climbed through the portrait hole and into a mysteriously empty common room just as the clock struck ten.

"How the hell did we do that?" Lily panted. "There is no physical way we should have made it back to the grounds in time, let alone back to the common room."

James took his hands off his knees and stood up straight. "Magic passageway," he whispered.

Lily nodded. "Of course," she said sarcastically, "I'm sure there are a ton of them leading to Hogsmeade."

"Seven, actually, though we think Filch may be wise to a few," James replied.

"And how do you know that?" she asked.

James shrugged. "Practice."

"But you favor that specific one," she pushed.

"It's a story for another time," James hedged.

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Lily stepped in, closer to James, and placed her hands on his shoulders. Not wanting to break her obvious trust, James carefully placed his hands on her waist.

"Well, I had a really great time today," Lily whispered. "Even though we almost got caught off the grounds at curfew and nearly lost our badges."

James grinned. "I like to think it added a little excitement and adventure to our date. Made it rather unforgettable, don't you think?"

Lily shook her head and smiled. "You, James Potter, are entirely unforgettable."

Before James could respond, she kissed him softly on the mouth. When he realized that he wasn't actually dreaming, James returned it until she pulled away.

"Goodnight, Potter. Same time next Hogsmeade weekend?"

James just gaped back at her.

"I'll take that as a yes." She smirked and sashayed back up the stairs to her dormitory.

"Of-of course!" James called after her. "I look forward to it!"

He pressed his fingers to his still-tingling lips and felt them stretching into a smile wide enough to break his face.

"Woohoo!" he yelled, and cries of "Quiet!" "Shut up!" and "I'm trying to sleep here!" echoed down the staircases in response.

James flopped back onto one of the couches and basked in the pure joy coursing through his body. It was better than every Quidditch victory, superb test score, and flawlessly executed prank rolled into one. One divine kiss from Lily Evans surpassed every magnificent feeling he'd ever experienced.

_This _was what perfect happiness felt like, and James would do anything to make sure she kissed him again.

Perfect: a Marauders Outtake (Caution: use of the F-bomb because Sirius)

When James finally managed to drag himself off the couch and float up the stairs to his dormitory, he opened the door to a pitch black room. That was odd. Remus was never in bed before midnight during this part of the lunar cycle…

From somewhere in the darkness came the sounds of awkward shuffling. Suddenly, the lights all blazed brightly, illuminating his three idiot friends holding a bed sheet banner with what was likely "Congrats, James!" emblazoned on it. It was hard to tell because the letters had been singed into the fabric, and it looked like a few had gotten out of hand.

"Congratulations, James!" Remus said, beaming. "Marlene sent a Patronus and said that Lily said it was a smashing date!"

Peter grinned and nodded vehemently, nearly dropping his end of the banner.

Sirius smirked and walked over to clap James on the shoulder. "Congrats, brother. Way to not fuck it up."

"Thanks, you guys," James laughed, pushing Sirius's hand off and wrapping his own arm around the other boy's shoulder. "It was perfect."

She was perfect. And, for a few short hours, _everything _was perfect.


End file.
